A Little One Update

Dear Little One,

Another week has gone by and you are still not in our arms. But, I can tell you, the process continues. We finished my second session and hearing the words, “Nothing in what you’ve shared would make me say you were crazy then or now,” has become music to my ears. And, I know, that I am not crazy. Bad crazy at least. That realization alone fills me with hope because I know that means sooner or later (hopefully sooner) you will be in my arms, in your Dad’s arms, being loved with everything in us and for everything you are. Continue reading “A Little One Update”

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Once Upon A Time

I decided two years ago to write a novel. It’s been a steady process, a process that keeps changing. It’s important for me to tell this story because it has become who I am. And like my story, I have changed through the years. But, one thing has never changed: I’ve always wanted to write. After my novel I’ve committed to writing children’s books. I want children – especially mine – to fall in love with words like I did as a child. Books like Curious George, Clifford the Big Red Dog, or Brown Bear, Brown Bear has impacted me. Dr. Seuss and Shel Silverstein can probably be credited to my love of rhyme.  Continue reading “Once Upon A Time”

My Vows

I wanted to give an update today about our process. I had originally written a poem about all of the feels that is associated with finally starting the agency suggested sessions. But, I need to write something else to get it off my chest lest it sit there and stew.  Continue reading “My Vows”

A Sloth & A Turtle

I liken the progress of our licensing to a sloth. Slow and steady will never win this race for me. I’m antsy and just want things done already. I want to be tired because my kiddo kept me up all night versus me being up all night reading a book. I want to be the mama telling stories about the antics of the little one that has stolen my heart. Lord, give me patience. Continue reading “A Sloth & A Turtle”

A Lettered Update

Hi Jax,

Can you believe it? It’s been three years since we said goodbye. Sometimes, especially right now as I fight to be a mama, it feels like it was just yesterday.

The talk right now is all about transparency and I think about you. Mainly because I was transparent in regards to my grief from losing you and suddenly it feels like I’m being penalized for it. I was transparent that I hurt. Continue reading “A Lettered Update”

Worth It All

I am blessed to be reminded how many people who are fighting and praying for Jeremy and I during this journey. Life can be so unpredictable and knowing that we have family and friends standing in agreeance with us, for us, has allowed us to stand faithful in the fact that our God is greater than any bad report or action through this journey.

Yesterday, I was filled with a lot of emotions.  Continue reading “Worth It All”

A Broken Update

I keep having these dreams of a house full of children. There is nothing more my heart wants, so why is it so difficult?

Here is my update for the week. And try as I am, I don’t know how this update will look or sound. I don’t plan to edit anything or reread what is written. I don’t know if it is a bad thing or not but all I have for you is pure, raw emotions. I don’t have the energy for anything more. My insides are a bumbled mess and I need to wade through the waters to get back to shore. Continue reading “A Broken Update”

Diary of an Impatient

July 1, 2017

We are headed to camp. I wanted to bring a little one with me but we are still waiting. I remember the days going on camping trips with my parents. My dad would teach us how to fish. We would pop fireworks in manini’s. Ya, my siblings and are were pretty evil. I remember once being on the other side of the island, camping and enjoying the beach. Then seeing the rain usher itself in from sea. One of the most beautiful things you can see. I would love to share that with my little one. Dammit DSHS, come on! Continue reading “Diary of an Impatient”

Not Much To Update

Patience is a virtue. For me it definitely is. There isn’t much of an update this week. Our licensor is still on vacation. I swear July 5th can’t come fast enough. I’m actually going crazy because the world is still buzzing, moving forward, and all I want it to do is stop until things are taken care of.

Once I hear something believe me y’all will be the first to know. When he comes back and says, Pearl and Jeremy let’s fill your home, I will be shouting it from the rooftops. Continue reading “Not Much To Update”

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