Do you know the story of Job?
In the Bible, son’s of God went to present themselves to God. Satan came along with them. The Lord asked Satan where he came from then followed up with asking if he had seen his servant Job, a man who was upright and just. Satan essentially scoffed at that saying, “Ya right. Take everything away from him and he’ll hate you.” God did. And Job still held on to his faith.
A little time later Satan again was among the son’s of God. God asked Satan if he had seen Job. Satan responded with a laugh, “Ya. But, I guarantee you if Job had health infirmities he’d curse you.” Job was struck with leprosy so horrific that his wife told him to curse God so he could die. Instead, Job still served the Lord.
I sat here thinking, could I, if given the troubles that Job was given, could I withstand and trust in my faith? Honestly, I could answer that now. No. I’m not saying no because I have low self-esteem or I don’t believe in myself. I’m saying no because I wasn’t even given a fraction of what Job was given and I turned my face from God. And, as I continue to grow in my faith, building a relationship with Him, I am realizing I don’t ever want that to happen again.
I can remember clearly how devastating my life was when I was angry at God. Just the thought of knowing where I came from keeps me on my knees. That isn’t to say that I can still falter. You see, the devil likes to play mind tricks often. You saw it first hand with Job. He even tried to play mind tricks on Jesus. He got Adam and Eve to listen, didn’t he? Well, this week, I almost did too.
I was starting to doubt myself. Doubt everything I worked so hard to heal from. In my mind I could hear, maybe it felt like it but I haven’t healed. I also heard, You’re lying to yourself about everything. You’re still broken. I was a mess on Sunday. An even bigger mess on Monday. Then I heard, Reach out. Reach out for help.
Here’s the thing, I don’t reach out for help a lot. I often feel like I’m inconveniencing the person I ask for help from. But, it was impressed upon my heart to reach out to one of two women in the church. I couldn’t shake it. And so, with all the humility I could muster I did. I gave a very brief reason for how emotional I was and asked for prayers. I’m fortunate enough for the Voxer app because I’ve listened to that prayer ever day since that night. And I’ve come to realize something.
The devil is playing mind tricks.
We just finished our first home study, the visit where our licensor spends an hour with each of us asking some very personal questions. I believe the brokenness I felt, the inadequacies, the failure was brought on because God is answering my prayers and there is no way in hell the enemy wants that.
A question that was asked was how I have handled my infertility. The devil used my barrenness against me this week. He attacked the very thing that I’ve been battling for years to come to grips with. He taunted me. Laughed at me. Did everything he could to make me fall apart before the interview. He did all he could to prove that I’d turn away from God’s blessing. I was essentially on my knees with no strength left to give to get through this week.
The devil likes to play mind tricks. But, I took a lesson from Job. As I stood on my knees I didn’t throw in the white towel. Instead, I just looked up.
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. II Corinthians 12:9-10