Another Year, Another Letter

Dearest Jax,

Yesterday you would have been 3 1/2 years old. Instead, it was the day I always brace for, the day you went to heaven. I’ve gotten better living my life without you. There are some days that I miss you. Some days I don’t miss you as much. But, the last few days have cut me sharp in my gut. This year it felt like I was bracing for a storm to hit when the 21st came.  Continue reading “Another Year, Another Letter”

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Parenting 201 — From Sand to Gemstones

Last year was a busy summer for me. I had to be in charge of three growing kids and was able to figure out the do’s and don’t’s here. While my niece and nephews gave me a run for my money last summer, I’m realizing they only gave me a manini (ma-knee-knee meaning small) taste of […]

via Parenting 201 — From Sand to Gemstones

A Chosen Family

This week has been a struggle. Every day since last Friday we’ve had to be in a doctor’s office for one thing or another. While my little one, who has to go through all the pokes and prodding, went through the days with smiles and laughter and only the occasional grumpiness I was the complete opposite. Saturday morning is usually my day to sleep in and I’ve been up since 6 feeling exhausted and hungry but unable to sleep and no energy to get up. Continue reading “A Chosen Family”

Starfish

I’m not going to dance around and pretend that being a foster parent isn’t hard. There was a time in my so far short stint as a foster parent questioning whether or not I should be on this path. The frustration of working within the system was tiring. All I wanted was to help this little boy. Thankfully it was exhaustion talking. I don’t know what I’d do without this little guy in my heart and home. And as I thank God every day for the blessing that is my 8 month foster son I remember the Starfish story. Continue reading “Starfish”

Never A Dull Day

Last night my husband and I made enough room for our little guy to take hold of his walker and go. I videotaped it and sent it to our mothers and was extremely proud. At 5 months he was standing. At 6 months he was walking around holding on to what he could. At 7 months he began using the walker. We are at 8 months and he’s starting to really move with that walker. Continue reading “Never A Dull Day”

Bug’s 8 Month Letter

Dearest Bug,

I’m a little late on this and I’m sorry.

You turned 8 months on the 21st and everything about that day took everything out of me. I wanted it to be a day of laughter and love, celebrating the boy who has made my heart feel a way that I never thought it would. But instead, I was met in the morning with you rolling around in your poop (yes, you won’t remember it but you got it all over yourself, me and your mat). Then within the hour the bombshell: we were under investigation for negligence on your health.  Continue reading “Bug’s 8 Month Letter”

It Takes A Village

I watch my little guy struggling with his breathing as he lay on his tummy and my heart hurts. It’s been five long months of trying to figure out what is going on. Five long months of finding remedies that would fix his issues but only finding bandages to cover up until next time. And yet, through all of the doctors, hospital stays, late night ER visits he’s smiled through it all. I, on the other hand, have been on the verge of tears every time something else comes up. And then I remember: It takes a village. Continue reading “It Takes A Village”

A Foster Parent’s Burden

have a secret.

Last week, I had all the feels you could possibly have regarding being a foster parent. I sat in my bedroom in tears feeling that I’m not strong enough to be who and what I needed to be. The last few weeks I’ve been really discouraged. I think it’s about time I voice this because maybe there is someone out there who feels the way I do. Or maybe someone has been in my shoes and has a word for me.  Continue reading “A Foster Parent’s Burden”

Mother’s Day 2018

This Mother’s Day I sit back and I am so thankful for where I am. I am incredibly blessed to be hiding this little boy in my arms. For me, it doesn’t matter if I’m unsure of where life’s road will take us. It doesn’t matter that he could go back home to his bio family. The only thing that matters is today. And today, I get to spend my Mother’s Day loving a child who knows me as mama versus hurting at the remembrance of my angel babies who would have called me mama. And I can tell you right now, my heart is full, overwhelmed. Continue reading “Mother’s Day 2018”

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