It Takes A Village

I watch my little guy struggling with his breathing as he lay on his tummy and my heart hurts. It’s been five long months of trying to figure out what is going on. Five long months of finding remedies that would fix his issues but only finding bandages to cover up until next time. And yet, through all of the doctors, hospital stays, late night ER visits he’s smiled through it all. I, on the other hand, have been on the verge of tears every time something else comes up. And then I remember: It takes a village. Continue reading “It Takes A Village”

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A Foster Parent’s Burden

have a secret.

Last week, I had all the feels you could possibly have regarding being a foster parent. I sat in my bedroom in tears feeling that I’m not strong enough to be who and what I needed to be. The last few weeks I’ve been really discouraged. I think it’s about time I voice this because maybe there is someone out there who feels the way I do. Or maybe someone has been in my shoes and has a word for me.  Continue reading “A Foster Parent’s Burden”

Mother’s Day 2018

This Mother’s Day I sit back and I am so thankful for where I am. I am incredibly blessed to be hiding this little boy in my arms. For me, it doesn’t matter if I’m unsure of where life’s road will take us. It doesn’t matter that he could go back home to his bio family. The only thing that matters is today. And today, I get to spend my Mother’s Day loving a child who knows me as mama versus hurting at the remembrance of my angel babies who would have called me mama. And I can tell you right now, my heart is full, overwhelmed. Continue reading “Mother’s Day 2018”

Medically Impossible

It has been 14 years of hope, heartache, stress, happiness, moving on, falling back, letting go, holding on. It has been 14 years of words of discouragement but acts of hope and healing. Most days I’ve learned to hang on to those acts of hope. I’ve learned to keep my head up, to stay in prayer, to believe that God will fulfill His promise. Then there are days like today where holding on is the hardest thing to do. Days like these deserves tears and anger. It deserves frustration and disbelief. It deserves angst and depression. Days like these deserves complete darkness. Continue reading “Medically Impossible”

1/2 Birthday

Every day I am awestruck at my little guy’s growth. I remember him being a roly poly two month old with the bluest of eyes and the cutest old man smile. He would clasp his hands before he’d eat or sleep as if he was shooting a quick prayer out. He’d literally fart everywhere and anytime. He had one of the worst eczema I’ve seen on a baby. And he had absolutely no hair.

Fast forward four months later and I thank God every day. He’s steadily grown both length and weight. He continues to be the happiest baby with his circumstances. His eczema is nearly nonexistent. He eats solids, rolls and sorta crawls everywhere and, I kid you not, I swear says mama.

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I wish I could say we’ll get to spend his first birthday with him but I can’t. And since I can’t I’m celebrating today with him. Celebrating the life that God has given us to love, nurture and protect. Celebrating the wonders of his ever present growth and learning. Celebrating that today we have him.

Happy Half Birthday my sweet love bug. Where ever you are may you always remember our love for you. May you always remember God’s grace and love. May you always feel loved and secure. May you have many, many half birthdays to come. All of our love.

xoxo

A Written Story

I sat in a room at the urgent care the other day and I bawled my eyes out. Last week we had to be seen by a doctor every day for my little boy. Appointment after appointment we find relief for a few hours than the retractions begin, the cough that sounds like he’s choking starts, and my helplessness is intensified. After three months and multiple doctors my emotions spilled over.

How do you ever feel like you’re doing enough for your child? Since we brought him home it has felt like we’ve not done anything right. He’s been sick since the day we said yes and nothing has combatted that fact. No cold mist humidifier. No Vick’s. No steamed bathrooms. No essential oils. No constant nose suctioning. No hospital stays or ER visits. Nothing. Continue reading “A Written Story”

Introducing Solids

This week was a mix of emotions. But, no matter how down or how broken I felt one thing always helped: watching my boy grow, explore, learn, smile. I’ve learned that through all of the rigamaroo of the fostering system, no matter how uncertain the path is, all of this – the emotions, the back and forth, the uncertainty – is made worthwhile by loving this baby. And this week, we loved him through a sweet potato caked face. Continue reading “Introducing Solids”

A Butterfly Affect

Being a teacher for the mPact Rainbows does a lot of things for me. For one it teaches me how to be patient. Two, it teaches me to loosen up. But, most of all, it teaches me the same lessons as I teach them every week. And this week, I’ve been convicted.

I’ve talked about the visitations for my little one a few times now. I’ve shared excitement and dread. I’ve shared my fears and heartache about the situation. Well, there is a new feeling that has surfaced: anger.  Continue reading “A Butterfly Affect”

Wrinkle In Time

Dear Bug,

I often think about your future. Not because I want to control what the next few days, weeks, or months will be. But, simply because these last two months I’ve watched you grow and I can already see the blessings God has in store for you. With a wrinkle in time I can see your first crawl, the first time you take your first step, when I first hear, “Mama.” Continue reading “Wrinkle In Time”

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